Sex Allowance, the new kind of Utah Jazz

Remember growing up and hitting your brother on the back of the head, practicing your cursing by calling him every bad word, and dipping his toothbrush in the loo? Then again, remember wanting to beat up anyone who bad mouthed your brother? Sticking up for this kid you normally thought was a jerk? This strange kind of pull in two directions is how I feel about "Americans [US Americans] are puritanical about sex."

Sure, I know this is true, and I can say it and do. I abhor abstinence-only sex education, and especially the type I got, which was limited to horrid videos about painful births. That's right. We watched a video with about three different women pushing, grunting, and ripping themselves open. Let's just say that most people felt like puking. Sex was villified. I resent that. I resent not being talked to as a young adult, one who COULD make informed decisions and who COULD be trusted to learn without the information being dumbed down, left out, or biased by paranoid school board members (we actually had a school board member say that there were no gay or homeless people in our city or nearly 100,000 in So. CA. Does this get across the idea of the ignorance?). Back to my point. I KNOW that people in the US have weird perceptions of sex, the angel or whore complex, rape fanatasies, fear of saying the words penis and vagina, to the point of using baby names to describe their "privates." I know this, and I hate it.

Now, I REALLY hate it when people from outside the US say this kind of thing. My defenses go up, and I can overlook my own criticisms. I know this is silly, but that's just it. "Those Americans with sticks up their asses." "People in the US can't appreciate the fact that people are sexual beings, that bodies don't need to be covered up." "Prudes." "Puritans." These comments make me see red. These are generalizations. Not ALL US Americans [and us the term correctly, people] are prudish, backwater dumbies. I'm sure that the Brits (with the famous "Close your eyes and think of England) suffer from similar anger over the generalization that they all have bad teeth and have sex with their flannel nighties buttoned up to the neck.

Now, this latest buzz about the Utah Jazz player who got the "okay, go get 'um, Tiger" from his wife is a prime example. Right away, we start to hear about how open and non-puritanical these people are because they come from Russia, where people are more open about sexuality.
Whatever. I just don't see this permission to have an affair as being very enlightened (or very unique), for a number of logical reasons.

1. So, he can have sex with the groupies, just once a season and with his wife's okay (does she get to pick out the groupie from a line up?). How safe is this? Where is the stipulation about STI screening, protection against pregnancy, and what about the emotional aspects?
   
2. This sends a message that there are women out there who can be used for sex, just so that this woman can feel like maybe her husband won't stray if he gets a quickie with another woman once a season. So, what about this other woman? What does she get out of this? What about her as an individual?
   
3. Didn't these people see the movie "An Indecent Proposal"? Okay, a reference to pop culture may not seem logical, but just about every woman I talked to, after seeing this movie, said that she didn't think her marriage would survive that kind of affair, from either person, and that even with the other person knowing, it would put up these emotional barriers, jealousies, and hurts. There would be comparisons, from both parties, and the fear that maybe the person would continue with the affair, without permission.
   
4. Open marriages. This is not something new, and the Russians did not invent it. Neither did the Europeans or the US Americans.
   
5. We got very little information about the "talks" this couple had about this offer. They have discussed things, but we have only little snippets, out of context and much edited. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE DETAILS. Thanks, no, but I am just making the point that people are going off on how understanding and open this woman is, how realistic and how giving. Well, I can imagine that we don't have the whole story.
   
6. Um, does SHE get to step out once a year? Is that part of the deal? Because, if not, I don't see how this is having parity. This seems more like something someone would do out of desperation to keep ahold of a wanderer. "
7. Sex is NOT like pizza, and the comparison just does not work, especially in reference to denying pizza to children. Okay, maybe a ten year-old cannot stop the craving for pizza and might bust into a parlor in desperation for the cheesy temptation. But, I'm sorry, a healthy, grown man has the ability to reason that giving in to temptation will have consequences. This kind of man can control his lust. And, her comparison shows her husband in a not so positive light. Can't he control himself?
8. Okay, since some people are calling it an "allowance," maybe there is a weird mother-child relationship between them. When he's good and does his chores, he gets to have a girl? EEeeewwww.
   
9. Finally, WHY DO WE EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS? TMI. This is between them, right? So, unless he has take out an ad in the Salt Lake City Tribune, who blabbed about this little "deal"? Was this locker room boasting? Was it leaked to the press for publicity? Did they have one of their "sex talks" in a local restaurant (because they are so cool and open about sex)?